This complete disassembly of my beliefs happened to me in a profound manner whilst experimenting with the powerful hallucinogen DMT. These things are incredibly difficult to put into words. When one gains access to the realm of the forms, even if it is only glancing through this analogical window, it is not an experience easily verbalized.
I was stripped of myself. Momentarily relieved of all memories, all scraps of Sally that I hold onto when defining what it is to be myself. And then, slowly and rather painfully, as if I were chewing on tinfoil, my own self image creeped back into myself. But it was different. And yet exactly the same. The best way to describe my reassembly is as if an interior designer had entered my mind and completely redesigned my insides, but using only the materials that were already at hand. All of the contents were the same, and yet the room they resided in looked completely different. I had been disassembled and reassembled myself. I had been temporarily relieved of all of my beliefs, not only about myself but about everything else as well. I lay paralyzed, attempting to comprehend my restructured interior.
It has been two years since my interiors were disassembled, redesigned by some outside source, and assembled back again in a way almost recognizable from the original... And yet exactly the same. And, after two years, I have gained no further access or explanation to what the implications of this dissasembly were.
Sally, that is almost a textbook Shamanic Initiation dream. Even though you might not be able to pinpoint the change, there was one. I've never heard of DMT. I used to just stick with LSD and shrooms. I'll bring you Eliade's book on Shamanism and you could check out the initiation dreams. Perhaps it was a call.
ReplyDelete